how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
