Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a search helicopter?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
