Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
