this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
