My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
