I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
