So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
