Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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