3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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