Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
