hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dick very happy bro
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
