You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
