I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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