winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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