If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
