she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
