we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
