The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
