...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
