I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
