I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
