Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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