Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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