We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
