You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
