The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
