At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize