I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
