grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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