i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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