Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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