i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
