do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
