I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
