Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's always time for handjobs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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