youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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