I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
