Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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