Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have post one night stand depression
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