Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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