and next time when you feel me up, do it right
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
