i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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