Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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