the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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