he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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