umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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