I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
