So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
