i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize