My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
