there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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