So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
