Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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