I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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