Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
