i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
