I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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