Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
