I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize