Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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