I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
