I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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