No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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