I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
