yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
