Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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