just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
