I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
