At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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