My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
