I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
