So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
