I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So here I am, sexting at work.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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