It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
