just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How external is "for external use only"?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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