i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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