i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
