i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
