i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
