i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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