Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
