yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
