...so i touched it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
