plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
