He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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