This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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