Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
