the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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