If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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