Can i not drive my cunt home
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
