Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
