mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
