I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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