At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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