been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
