Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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